You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
