The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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