Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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