he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
