Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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