guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
