he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
