Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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