Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
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