have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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