is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
