If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
