The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Another day, another engagement, another cat
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
