he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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