Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
