Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Randomize
