I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
