can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
