Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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