Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
