sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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