He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
