I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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