FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Randomize
