i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Randomize
