I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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