Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
