woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
