I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
