i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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