nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
