The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
