it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
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