I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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