Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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