i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
