when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
