Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
