The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
