i always forget guys have bellybuttons
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
