he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
