well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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