It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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