When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
