very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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