Will you blow on my dice?
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
This gyro tastes like lonliness
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
