clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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