well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
