I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
