What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
