also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
