the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
sarcasm needs its own font
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
