just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
