respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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