So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Randomize
