So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
