My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
