If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
