Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
