Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
