Fine. I'll sleep in my office
That's when you crack a 10am beer
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
