Whats the glycemic index on semen?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
