are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
